Eat your own fleas and ticks

Last time I was at the Zoo, I noticed the primates (big word for monkeys, baboons, gorillas-maybe not gorillas, as this could be a mafia term, seems to me i heard that term in GodFather I, II, and III?) and they were enjoying an afternoon of picking through each other's fur coats and eating little morsels of something or other. I asked the Zoo person (big word for girl in brown uniform who appeared to be employed there) what they were doing? She said, "Oh they keep each other clean from fleas and ticks by helping each other out like that. They search through their coats (big word for fur) find the little critters and eat them for each other." To me they seemed bored with this grooming activity, like nothing else was on the Human TV they were watching, as *we* humans all paraded past their habitats (big word for cages) gawking at their personal hygene habits. I then wondered when man ever got the notion to stop eating the fleas and ticks off of other men, and when man decided to open up a styling salon (big word formerly meaning, "we will eat your fleas and ticks for free) and began charging $money$ to give ourselves swank hair-dos and looks like; duck tails, perms, streaking, or the ever needed and oh so stylish comb-over? Which took me to my next thought, if man is so smart and apes aren't, how come they have hair and we don't? Did man ask God one day, "God, can I move up the food chain in the intelligent sphere of life?" And God replied, "Sure, but it'll cost you hair..." So, as I left the primate (big word for flea eaters) exhibit I was left with this thought, *I think it's really an obsessive compulsive disorder we give these primate fellows by locking them up in there* and if I was one of them, I would smack my pal Barney the Baboon and say, "Knock it off, eat your own fleas and ticks!" Besides I think those Baboon guys should spend some time inventing pants for those red butts they have. I mean if you're gonna sit around all day, do something worthwhile. Yeah! Like invent pants!