Scout

Today I found my dog Scout listless and cold. She had been throwing up all night. When I put her out, she took a sip of water, and crumpled to the grass out near the pond, where you might find her on a Sunny day. Today it is overcast and rainy. I put her into my SUV and took her to the Vet. As I suspected, she is very sick. 12 years this coming Christmas, I have loved and enjoyed Scout. She is a choc lab. The sweetest kindest personality you will ever find. She is unassuming and shy, unless there is a toss of meat into the air, which she readily grabs! She used to love the chase tennis balls, but her hips have been giving her trouble. It looks like cancer near her heart, and her liver may have some too. We will know better when they do an ultra sound. I cannot imagine life without her. She is nearly like one of my kids in THAT regard. I am sick and teary just thinking about it all. Should I make her endure my love by forcing chemo upon her, so I can keep her with me a few more months? Or should I bite down hard now and realize dogs only get 12-14 years and you need to let them go? Though I hate letting a dog go, I simply cannot let her suffer, not for me. First Heidi, when I was but 10 years old, was run over. Then Muffin who had some intestinal troubles. And only in early 2005 Musi had to be put down. I suspected she had cancer too. She ached and hated to even go outside anymore. I am sure there is a reason, but it makes no sense to me. What pleasure a sweet, kind, loving dog will bring you. What joy that adds to a family! I have had a heart breaking phone call from Meredith, one of the chicklettes, telling me, "Boo Boo make Scout happy again." And poor little Sonja, Meredith's so tender older sister just sobbed to me her sadness. I don't know how to bear this incredible sadness? I have worked really hard to be this crusty old man. And here I am sitting in front of Golden Pond, wishing for my precious Scout to be with me forever. Maybe in the next life I will have all my dogs around me? Maybe my lap will runneth over? Dear Scout, i pray for your comfort, not mine. You have been so sweet and wonderful your whole life. God probably wants you back to enjoy you himself! Thats ok, I guess. Find Raquel, she will want to smother you with love and kisses I am sure! I will think of you always, with fondness, and deep love. Dan